If You Love Someone

If you love someone, one must love to cherish.
One must learn the pains of Hurt.
To put Pride and Ego before everything else.
To be patient with whatever stuff throw at you.

Sayang, Thank you for letting me be in your life.
To let me have a joy and pride that I call my own.
For I can’t just be at last ….
For I can’t just stand there see you cry,
For I don’t know what else to do, with all your pain
Of Love , of Pride and Of Childbirth.

I hurt you time and again
Hurt within me is nothing compared to yours
Yet Again, Time proven I hurt you
For there is no value that I can price
For the Tears you have shed from your eyes
And the Hurt I have been Keeping Inside
Day In, Day Out…seeing things like this

There are useless words of mine,
Just as useless as my body and mind.
The name, in sooth, jut by name I am yours
A Husband and yours , my wife,
But everything Falling Apart

A daily Ritual, maybe not, but once is too much.
I hinted to you my own hurt, of my own pride.
But I let them go, My Pride, and Ego.
For now I have no shame.
Shed no tears for mine

For now…I rather die.
There is no shame in Death,
as how you have said.
I am just in name, yours, and you , mine.
But in reality, we are different. Totally Differ,
I’m just a curse. For your Return.
If not for The Little One, we won’t be here.
And hurt time and Again.

And Since I love you so much more…
I have thought of just being a ‘Bird’
Like you said, once a Jail Bird always will be.
For now, I think it’s time …that you should be rid of me.
All I do need , is to have to complete what I have promised.
That to complete your own study,
So that you can be free,
from the Slave bondage of Everybody,
To show them you are not just as carefree,
That….you are somebody.

For now, in name only I’m just your hubby.
Even the little one is not respecting me.
For I tried to love you as much I could be,
not calling you names, but my Baby.

You are always my baby,
Just as Tia… thanks for her
Giving me a real Baby
For I can’t stand you being bullied by the Baby
or in most instances, from me.

There is no words worth to say,
You won’t care even if I say sorry,
Not even worth the Paper and Ink
That I am just …useless, and in everything.

Mama told me many times
to be patient and to put a dumb mind.
To be quiet, when she keep on shrieking at Me
and if I am about to snap, walk away,
Drive away, but then, I know my livelihood you will break it
an then, respectively, kill our rice bowl, so what am I to take it so easy?

Sorry to Tia for bringing her into this life.
Sorry for You, knowing me.
Sorry to Adeq and Mama, for Trusting me.
Now, it’s time…

I let you choose, should you be free.
I will still love you always,
And should I let you be free,
I don’t want the little one to remember,
That I am her Daddy.

To let her know, the two names is her name only,
nothing else, nothing that she should know,
Whom is the asshole
For I am ashamed , that I am her Daddy.

So Since I Love You So Much,
This time, I am letting it be,
For I don’t want to say it again,
Now, then, who am I again?
A Husband in name, Nay, Why should you be,
Have me, an incomplete fool.

I love you too,So much …
The Hurt is there, For I have lost the feel
Ever Since I was caught
Now.. even when I am free,
I think I rather be back
Banged up, walls and nothing to see.

Don’t you get it, why I sleep outside,
Not because I am cold or what,
But I let you be in comfort,
For I am no one,
Not even to the touch.

Now I am dead,
I wish that is that,
For I pray that no one will know who I am
And put me in just a hole, the sewer also can.

I am helpless here.
It hurt me more.
I Can’t Work Here.
With all the lies.

Now, then, you are right
I should Go.
And let you Go, that’s right.

Enuff is enuff.
I am ….a crack head

[Private Ramble]