If you love someone, one must love to cherish.
One must learn the pains of Hurt.
To put Pride and Ego before everything else.
To be patient with whatever stuff throw at you.

Sayang, Thank you for letting me be in your life.
To let me have a joy and pride that I call my own.
For I can’t just be at last ….
For I can’t just stand there see you cry,
For I don’t know what else to do, with all your pain
Of Love , of Pride and Of Childbirth.

I hurt you time and again
Hurt within me is nothing compared to yours
Yet Again, Time proven I hurt you
For there is no value that I can price
For the Tears you have shed from your eyes
And the Hurt I have been Keeping Inside
Day In, Day Out…seeing things like this

There are useless words of mine,
Just as useless as my body and mind.
The name, in sooth, jut by name I am yours
A Husband and yours , my wife,
But everything Falling Apart

A daily Ritual, maybe not, but once is too much.
I hinted to you my own hurt, of my own pride.
But I let them go, My Pride, and Ego.
For now I have no shame.
Shed no tears for mine

For now…I rather die.
There is no shame in Death,
as how you have said.
I am just in name, yours, and you , mine.
But in reality, we are different. Totally Differ,
I’m just a curse. For your Return.
If not for The Little One, we won’t be here.
And hurt time and Again.

And Since I love you so much more…
I have thought of just being a ‘Bird’
Like you said, once a Jail Bird always will be.
For now, I think it’s time …that you should be rid of me.
All I do need , is to have to complete what I have promised.
That to complete your own study,
So that you can be free,
from the Slave bondage of Everybody,
To show them you are not just as carefree,
That….you are somebody.

For now, in name only I’m just your hubby.
Even the little one is not respecting me.
For I tried to love you as much I could be,
not calling you names, but my Baby.

You are always my baby,
Just as Tia… thanks for her
Giving me a real Baby
For I can’t stand you being bullied by the Baby
or in most instances, from me.

There is no words worth to say,
You won’t care even if I say sorry,
Not even worth the Paper and Ink
That I am just …useless, and in everything.

Mama told me many times
to be patient and to put a dumb mind.
To be quiet, when she keep on shrieking at Me
and if I am about to snap, walk away,
Drive away, but then, I know my livelihood you will break it
an then, respectively, kill our rice bowl, so what am I to take it so easy?

Sorry to Tia for bringing her into this life.
Sorry for You, knowing me.
Sorry to Adeq and Mama, for Trusting me.
Now, it’s time…

I let you choose, should you be free.
I will still love you always,
And should I let you be free,
I don’t want the little one to remember,
That I am her Daddy.

To let her know, the two names is her name only,
nothing else, nothing that she should know,
Whom is the asshole
For I am ashamed , that I am her Daddy.

So Since I Love You So Much,
This time, I am letting it be,
For I don’t want to say it again,
Now, then, who am I again?
A Husband in name, Nay, Why should you be,
Have me, an incomplete fool.

I love you too,So much …
The Hurt is there, For I have lost the feel
Ever Since I was caught
Now.. even when I am free,
I think I rather be back
Banged up, walls and nothing to see.

Don’t you get it, why I sleep outside,
Not because I am cold or what,
But I let you be in comfort,
For I am no one,
Not even to the touch.

Now I am dead,
I wish that is that,
For I pray that no one will know who I am
And put me in just a hole, the sewer also can.

I am helpless here.
It hurt me more.
I Can’t Work Here.
With all the lies.

Now, then, you are right
I should Go.
And let you Go, that’s right.

Enuff is enuff.
I am ….a crack head

[Private Ramble]

Boy it’s been a rough week.KL is not that a nice place to be after all, busy and so expensive.

Weekend without the family means a transit commuter weekend for me. Hopping on and hopping off the Kommuter, LRT, ERL, Rapid, Star, Putra ..you name it, exploring places where you can’t get much in KL.

Last weekend was Book Weekend and PC Fair at the PWTC and KLCC respectively. PC Fair to me, was kind of overwhelming with rude Malaysians, and the place was freaking hot. Rude Men and Women, without much regards to their courtesy or what not, pushing people here and there and despite that, I walked about with my steel toe cappers, means, if I step on you, too bad lah, you will hurt and call your mama.

Deals in the KLCC PC Fair was same all about, nothing to say much other than the cheap lelong cameras by Nikon and Canon which I won’t want to part my money with despite a 7.1Megapixel 3x zoom etc for RM499 since I am already into the Canon EOS 400D, which I am targeting the EOS 40D which had no special offers. Durgh!

Laptops too, were not any cheaper either. Not worth my time and APPLE WAS NOT IN IT! Somehow or rather, I can’t find anyone showing off the Mac Book Air. Which would be nice, as I wanted the 160GB version, unless I go and fiddle the system and install the iPod Video hard disk in it.

As for the traffic, it was mad. RM4.20 for a can of 100Plus!? Bloody Farker! And I don’t cuss and swear I tell you. Normally for RM1.20, now at that rate, 4 times over. Darn it! Plus traffic was bad, human or vehicular.

The PWTC Book fair was ok, but full of books written in Bahasa Malaysia. So I thought , how on earth can our graduands excel in the society when everything is in Bahasa Melayu? Heck , the Local Universities need to wake up. They are actually bringing grief to all these students whom, after finishing with a 4.0 CGPA Honors Degree, have no work and resort to selling Krabby Patty Burgers for a living or to service their 4% PTPTN loan. Yikes!

It’s so sad, that 10 year on after I published my paper about the education system in Malaysia, things are just…as crappy, or even worse, with over 10 universities now, and the QoS is rock bottom, full of scandals. And despite me having job offers with some universities, I decline them as I know I won’t be able to discharge my duties as an Educator when the board itself, are already infested and minds full of feces.

I’ll be taking down this site soon enough when I see a template be suits the function. So, those whom wish to meet me while I am still in KL, please buzz me.
take care

My Heartiest Congratulations and Regards to Duli Yang Maha Mulia Baginda Al-Mutawakkil Alallah Sultan Iskandar Al-Haj ibni Almarhum Sultan Sir Ismail Al-Khalidi, Sultan of Johor , Sovereign Ruler of the Country of Johor Darul Takzim, and the Protectorates, Sovereign of the Territories of annexed under the Johor State Rules for his Birthday today.

Daulat Tuanku. For your wisdom and strength to govern the state into a world class state. For the ruler is at the heart of the people whom had been giving Friday Prayer Sermons, attending to the needs of the people through his own walkabout, unannounced, impromptu making sure the elected government does their job properly.

Thank You.

May you be blessed with the Grace of Allah.

Daulat Tuanku.

Actually I was inspired by Dr G C George and reminded of the horrors of child abuse. It really reminds me of the real thing happened to my own neighbour back home in Singapore when I was still living in Jurong West St 41, which I think I was in my undergraduate days.

It’s actually sad to hear that Parental Abuse kept on happening, and when I heard the news back then that the neighbour’s TWO YEAR OLD SON died ..it was a tragedy. Something I can’t get my head off, with so many blunt force traumas to the head..and body..it was a little body with so many bruises and that the child had to go through an autopsy is something cruel.

Like everyone then was suspecting of the father, whom was a drug addict, and that everyone speculated till it was actually found out in the open that the MOTHER was the murderer. I don’t know what was the sentence, maybe Manslaughter charge, Life in Prison, Maybe Death Penalty, but that child don’t deserve it.

And in the story of Kelsey Briggs, it was a step father. And the mother whom allowed or conspired this to happen. It is really sad that because the mother is upset with someone, something or maybe the partner, they don’t have to start off landing the child.

Abuse can be anything. Verbal abuse. Physical Abuse, Psychological whatever. No parent should be made to bury their child, especially a toddler or even still a baby. I really cry for the father who fought hard for the Country only to return to bury his only child. A cute cuddly daughter. Which I could imagine what will go through my mind if I loose my daughter and in itself, I may get into a vigilante mood and murder who ever did it. To loose a partner is already cruel, but to loose the child…is something else.

Signs of Child Abuse is simple. I was made to learn it while I was in Military Medicine. The child will always go and sought comfort in the person who did the lesser of the evil or that anything should happen, they go running for that person. Mothers can get into a destructive swing after their first newborn, for many reasons. But that typically go off after the next.

Do watch out for child abuse with many things to look out for.

Stand by your tissues and wipes… as this is a sad story. Rest in peace. Our Prayers are with you dear Child…

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/uWow42TCwzg" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Tonite is the start of the new Islamic New Year, The Hijrah Calender.

Well, we make amends…repent and pray…loads of praying… Just asking a whole list of stuff from God. Asking for better earnings, Better Health, Better stuff. Some asked to lose alot of weight, lose off all the Credit Card Bills, and be out of debt.

Whatever it is, God loves us more if we ask for more… for He created us for being thankful to Him and.. well, BEG FOR MORE STUFF. Human Nature. That is His creation.

So, ask lor.. don’t forget to ask Allah for something good. Not hitting the Damacai or Lottery, but you never know, if you can win on a free trip..or home or car in a lucky draw.

Anyway, I have to complete another 6 Paid Posts from Blogsvertise and other paid blogging system. Someone have to make a living isn’t it? I need to make the money to download my iTunes Movies.

So, I wish to thank everyone for coming by..and my advertisers for helping me go by, which includes Study Support Network, BBC and loads others. To my other buddies like Raff & Tim @ Nuffnang; Nabil and Gang @ Nufflets ; RA Tree Intra Holdings (JB) Especially Zackire; Minthu @ Flashband and many others I may forget.

Happy New Year people! And $88,888 is what a standard blog stand to make in one year just from blogging alone, to add paid reviews; advertising;text links and all. I know because an average pagerank 3 will make that kind of money.

Well blow me down. I was so happy today being Hari Raya Haji (I follow what MEKAH for Hajj) and well, I had a nasty email from YAT about me having both Nuffnang ads.

Hi Azrin,

Upon checking your blogs and account, we have found out that you are serving Nuffnang Ads from both Malaysia and Singapore, meaning you have accounts in both countries. AT LEAST 5 out of 8 blogs registered under your account have ads from both countries. Namely:

http://marlindaradzi.com/
http://azrin.net/
http://melayu.eu/
http://www.azrin.info/
http://www.athira.net/

I’m sorry but we have to tell you that our system do not allow Nuffnang Ads from both countries on the same blog. After all, both countries’ ads are marketed differently, and there will be payment issues on our side. So you can ONLY choose ads either from Malaysia or Singapore. If you want to keep any of the URLs in Malaysia account please delete the URLs in the Singapore account and vice versa.

{Some Contents deleted on request of Ming}

Have a nice day.
Regards,

Yat Guo Jian
Nuffnang Sdn Bhd
http://www.nuffnang.com.my

Shiver me timbers, just as I was getting my BREAK FAST and it’s 10am in the morning. I don’t recall that you CANNOT do so, only to state on the TERMS AND CONDITIONS that you CANNOT show the same ad of the Advertiser in the same page from another network. That is it. Discriminatory? I don’t know. I will not go down the Hindraf way, and well, if you had objections, WHY DID YOU NOT STOP ME 6 MONTHS AGO??!! Honestly, I am feeling lucky now, that my lawyers said that they are DISCRIMINATING AND THREATENING.They forget that their Singapore Office is the place for us to sue them,as most of the sugar is there, and it’s SO EASY to knock SG companies down. Take Criminal Corporate Law pathway, because the CID and CCD will flock that company like a pack of Hyenas for this act of misconduct.

Oh just as well,it’s been fun. It’s been great.I have not received my cheques yet and I know I will never be. So, Goodbye Singapore Nuffnangers, I have to leave. As proud I am as a Singaporean, I will let the current spur run thru, and I think I should remove all of the Nuffnang Ads, Malaysia or Singapore as I know I will NOT GET PAID. At least Google Adsense and Adbrite pays me more often and and with greater payout. Just as I thought I could be their featured MALAY BLOGGER instead of the full runs of Chinese Bloggers like 5xMom and others,with a great sense of earnings.Heck, I don’t receive RM950 per check or so in a month from Nuffnang, but I sure draw more than that.I still have my affiliate programs and other ad units, which makes me think, that I should concentrate on my Kedai-dot-TV which pays for your participation and views and visits and reviews. Best of all, it will be in Pounds Sterling instead of US$. More MOOLAH, but I will not enter the Nuffnang Line of Business…too much dirty.

And so,I have to wave goodbye to my fellow comrades in Singapore and Nuffnang. I already took out Advertlets for the problems with my domain, and so…this means more work on my side to decode all what amendments I have done for them.

So, Thanks for nothing. Their boss said nothing but the tycos wanted to show me who is their gangster, the Real Ah-Long Bukit Beruntung….And the painful lesson to learn that you cannot be a Singaporean and living in Malaysia to earn a decent living which is not enough to pay for my Penang Bridge Toll. Heck even a decent cuppa teh tarik and Roti Prata is not enough with them.

Enough Said?

Please Read Tim’s Reply…

I know I don’t get that much traffic and I get personal at times. But then, THIS IS MY PERSONAL WEB LOG, and I don’t give a piss about what others think. It’s My Diary, what I think , do or even plan. Just like a filofax but personal and public. It’s just like anyone stopping by a house on the roadside, it’s THAT PERSONS’ HOME. You don’t go about telling him how to live his life, or what color to paint, and where he can park his car. It’s his personal space.

So to think I have to sell my own creature comfort just to accomodate some people, and that I have some ads I want to promote they don’t like, I say to em, F**K IT! Darn lucky I was not like some Ah-Lian middle aged mom who wanna get her time famous and cuss and swear in any language she likes. I don’t say P*K*-M** or cuss your mom. It’s just not right. There is a level of decency here , how crude I am or rude I was in the Army.

Yes, I was looking thru my written log of my life in the Army. We swear is a Standard Operating Procedure.A way of life when we don our uniform, but not when we took it off and wear a PT-KIT or Half-U. We are human then, Men with Brains. A creed over others. Civilian Discipline kicks in, and even with our Lt-Col of a useless CO, we become friends. Human nature. Yes our boss yet a friend when not in Green. Otherwise, he is our Enermy.

So coming back to the point of allowing advertiser to twist my tongue and allow myself to be bent that way, I saw HELL NO. You ain’t paying me enough to contravene my basic Human Rights and I am darn contemplating on taking a class Criminal Action for being Biased and Discriminant. Take against the company that pays your paycheck and you as a person. It’s a human thing. Irregardless of how I write down here, my ads has nothing to do with you. MY PERSONAL SPACE. You are just paying me for 200 words TOPS! That’s a 300px by 15 collumn advertising.

You don’t go to a paper placing a classified ad and tell them after it is published that you don’t want to be listed next to the obituaries. You tell them BEFORE placing it. Same as how I place my ads. I place my Google and Adbrite Contextual ads on the side of my post so it comes as a premium, and when you give me the full attention to reply to my ramblings, you see the more targetted ever colorful, dermographically specified advert relating to that kind of service, which pays me more. It’s a relevancy thingy.

Just like if any O’ Advertiser wanna tell Wal-Mart that they don’t want their Snickers to be placed next to the Marlboro Ads near the Tills. That is a PREMIUM SPACE for product awareness, and just like any o shopper, they will see that product for a good 30-60 secs before paying for their shopping, and most likely to buy it!

Same concept applies in any Textual Advertising. The prime spot is my post itself. A good mention plus any other images. But if you think the advertiser beside you (google) is a competitor, I can just shut it off, if you SPECIFY BEFORE HAND! Not by any other cranny nookie!~

I spend most of my time tweaking the PHP codes and PHP takes alot of effort. I want the best for any advertiser so their SEO ranks go up and along with their backlink, I am taking a cruise.

So, it’s a matter of trying to kill that walking salesman BEFORE ASKING HIM TO PROMOTE YOUR PRODUCT. How silly is that? I had over 300 odd posts within the last 90 days and NO ONE COMPLAINED. I even got praises and recommendations by them as a TESTIMONIAL to their great job (and I get a good link back too thus the PR 7 on a site) so events says otherwise.

Yeah, so I am a small fry, and I am full of ideas. To hell what you think.I thought so.

Just wondering, will you take off your GOOGLE and ADBRITE ADS if PPP says so?Will you still be a postie?